How to find closure & move on...

Moving on from heartbreak, hurt, & change… (when it’s just not that easy!)

The hurt before closure… what does it look like?

We’ve all been hurt by someone we love…

family members don’t stand up for you… friends make plans without you… that ex-boyfriend made you believe you weren’t good enough…

We’ve all been heartbroken…

that messy breakup that you thought you’d never recover from… your best friend betrayed you when you thought you had each others’ backs… you lost someone far too soon…

We’ve all experienced the unsettling discomfort that comes with change…

the nerves of finding a new job after getting fired… moving to a new city where you don’t know a soul… figuring out how to be single again after that long-term relationship you thought would last forever…

& unfortunately, we’ve all been the one to hurt someone else & cause another’s heart to break (whether we know it or not)…

In all of these situations, we find ourselves needing a little something more before we can move forward…

we just need them to understand. we need them to forgive us. we need that apology.

we need closure.

It’s natural to have that feeling & think to yourself, “if I can just get this one last thing, then I can move on.”

I mean, we all know that feeling…

“I just can’t move on because he didn’t give me any closure.”

“If I could just talk to her one more time, then I could get her to understand where I’m coming from…”

“If I could just see him one more time & tell him how I feel then I’ll be able to move on.”

The truth is, though, that little bit of closure you think you need… it probably doesn’t even exist… Take it from me…

I’ve said a few too many words. I’ve explained my feelings a few too many times. I’ve gone back over & over again trying to get someone to understand & acknowledge my point, my feelings, or my opinion. I’ve had conversation after conversation, hoping to get an apology out of someone who had hurt me. I’ve craved that approval from someone who would never agree with me. I’ve wished for forgiveness from someone I’d wronged, simply so I could sleep better at night & finally move forward.

The list goes on & on & on… and in every single one of these instances… in every desire & action taken in an attempt to find “closure”, I never got what I was looking for.

We think closure will give us the little bit of satisfaction or acceptance we need to move forward, but it only strengthens our connection to past hurt.

The truth about closure.

What if we were never meant to find closure in that situation?

because if we had gotten that closure & little bit of temporary fulfillment we thought we needed, we would have found comfort again… & in comfort, there’s nothing pushing you forward.

If we had gotten the closure & satisfaction we thought we needed, we would still be where we were… because why move on when we’re getting all we want & need?

That need for closure is a tie to the past. It will only hold you back.

So what do we do if we don’t look for closure?

There is, unfortunately, no set list of rules or guidelines when it comes to moving on from heartbreak or navigating discomfort & change.

But here are a few tips & reminders for these uncomfortable seasons…

Remind yourself this change, hurt, or heartbreak is uncomfortable, but it is not unproductive. This season is still productive.
Don’t let your desire for closure hold you back… keep moving forward, despite the discomfort.
The Lord is capable of more than we could even imagine. Remember not to confine his power & abilities to past miracles & works. (Just because he healed you in one way last time, doesn’t mean it will be the same this time.)
You’re not going to make sense of everything going on… if you wait to rest until you can make sense of it all, you will exhaust yourself very, very quickly.
Experiencing discomfort often reveals you’re experiencing something you never have before, something new… you are growing into a newer & stronger version of yourself. It is uncomfortable because it is unfamiliar.
Before you can step forward, you must let go of the things holding you back… that need for closure will only keep you tied to the chains the Lord intends to set you free from. Let go & don’t keep looking back like you want to stay there. Move forward.
This discomfort is refining you! You will be better for it. You will be stronger for it. The Lord does not call those who are prepared… He prepares those who are called.